it's what we say when there's nothing else to say. when you are in a place thats so dark you just can't justify saying it's all for the best or every cloud has a silver lining. some clouds are just rain, and some things just aren't for the best.
it's what you say to your father when you think about how he lost a father and a brother in two months. it's what you say when the man you've looked up to your whole life feels completely broken and so beyond what the word "hurt" implies.
it's what you say when you are talking to a man that's in so much pain, the only thing he can do is breathe. it's what you say to a man whose body is completely broken, where the doctors come up to you with the look in their eyes where you know exactly what they're going to say. it's what you say to tell him that his family is gonna be alright, that we'll be there for them, and love them hopefully half as much as he did. it's what you say to him when you know he won't last another day.
it's what you say to two six year olds who don't really know what's happening, just that their father isn't there anymore. it's what you say to them when you are the one tucking them in at night and they ask why daddy isn't there to read to them. it's what you say when they cry themselves to sleep, and then you cry yourself to sleep.
it's what you say to a woman who lost the person she loved and shared a life with. it's what you say to her when she watches that man deteriorate past anything you could ever imagine.
it's gonna be ok. it's not ok right now. it's dark, and painful and we don't want to be here.
it says i feel it too. it says im going to hold you until you're done crying, and that there's light somewhere. it says that our family will mourn this loss together. it says there will be a day sometime when i can think about him and not tear up. it says that there are two children who will grow up and remember their father as someone who loved them, and is watching over them.
it's not ok right now. there are tears and pain beyond pain. there is heartache and loss. i look forward to the day when i can look back on this and not feel what i feel now. it's gonna be ok says that that day exists. it's out there somewhere.
so i'm gonna not be ok for a while. but i know that i will be, someday.
rest in peace rick.
